Tag Archives: stoned

A New Leaf

Happy 4/20, everyone! Earth Day, Hitler’s birthday, and most importantly, Takei Day! We’ll be celebrating the more renowned reason for the season, and I certainly don’t mean Hitler (although I’m straining my hardest not to invoke Godwin’s Law at some of the news items tonight)!

To gain support within his party, the once moderate Romney takes a hard-right into the rampant radicalism ramparts, and sullies his campaign with the same strange rhetoric he projects onto his opponents. Further pitching us into an economic class war in which someone born into a family in the bottom income bracket has virtually no chance of moving into the top quintile, and where middle class Americans are increasingly losing ground to those at the top. His tax policies, experts contend, will raise student debt (already in the trillions) and hurt the middle class.

It’s very hard to overcome our biological processes, with research suggesting that  people prone to ignoring evidence that contrasts their viewpoint are more likely to make delusional leaps, and where materialism may in fact be a mental disorder.

For while the ‘Buffet Rule’ only takes a tiny dent out of our deficit, it is still a necessary, albeit largely symobolic, step. And ignored by most national news sources; more than 300 economists, including three nobel laureates, have signed a petition calling attention to the findings of a paper by Harvard economist Jeffrey Miron, which suggests that if the government legalized marijuana it would save $7.7 billion annually by not having to enforce the current prohibition on the drug. The report added that legalization would save an additional $6 billion per year if the government taxed marijuana at rates similar to alcohol and tobacco.

And though the waves of technological protest and dissent may promise to save us, the surveillance state, corporate invasions of privacy, and for-profit spy lobby show that the information age, once ‘equalized’, may prove to reinforce the old status quo with new tools.

Shaheed Nick Mohammed, associate professor of communications and author of The (Dis)information Age: The Persistence of Ignorance:

“We have to rethink some of our most common assumptions about modern life and, specifically, we need to rethink assumptions that the information age will naturally lead to a society that is intelligent and scientifically literate. In fact, we may have moved backwards in many respects.”

The NSA now has the capability to record and track every American citizen, should they choose to turn it on us, if they haven’t done so already!

Even Tim Berners Lee, who developed the Web in 1990, says the proposals to allow intelligence agencies to monitor Internet use and digital communications of citizens would be a “destruction of human rights.”

Perhaps it will take a cataclysm even greater than the Great Recession to shatter the hold of establishment dogmatism and force fresh thinking. Or perhaps it will take a new generation of leaders too young to care about refighting the battles of the New Deal era and the Reagan era that followed it.

PLAYLIST
In The Hall Of The Mountain King – Sounds Incorporated
Reefer Man – Cab Calloway
Blue Rhythm Fantasy – Gene Krupa
Let’s Go Get Stoned – Ray Charles
Stoned Love – The Supremes
Mary Jane – Rick James
Raga: Patdeep – Ravi Shankar
A Child’s Garden of Grass – Jack Margolis & Jere Alan Brain
Guns Of Navarone – The Skatalites
The Weed (Aka Man Pyabba) – Count Lasher with Lyn Taitt &
Pass The Kushempeng – Frankie Paul
Ganja Smoke – Ziggy Marley
Weed Whacker – Bela Fleck & the Flecktones
Sticky Green Weed – Cypress Hill
Weed Song – Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
Sea Weeds – Captain Dan and the Scurvy Crew
Stoned Guitar – Human Instinct
Wacky Tobacky – NRBQ
let’s go smoke some pot – Dead Milkmen
Smoke Two Joints – Sublime
Big Yellow Joint – Steven Sprung
Oriental Vibrato – Raymond Guiyot
(Down To) Seeds and Stems (Again) Blues – Commander Cody
I Got Stoned and I Missed It – Dr. Hook

Stranger in a Strange Land 2012-4-20: A New Leaf by The Stranger on Mixcloud

~The Stranger
thestranger@earthling.net

Getting Involved

– April 25: National Day of Action Against Student Debt

On April 25th, the total amount of student loan debt in the U.S. is due to top 1 trillion dollars. This staggering economic milestone marks a momentous victory for Wall Street and the 1 percent against two generations of students and families. A day of action will target big banks and student lenders, as well as increasingly corporatized universities.

-May 1st: May Day – OCCUPY THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE

Recognized worldwide as International Workers’ Day, May 1st marks the Haymarket Massacre of 1886 in Chicago, where workers were fighting for the eight hour workday. Look for rallies and gatherings across the country that will draw attention to the needs and concerns of workers.

Move Your Money

The Move Your Money campaign was launched in 2010 to take on the power of the megabanks that helped cause the financial crisis and continue to wreak havoc on our economy. Numerous ongoing actions around the country are calling attention to the need for fairness and accountability in the banking industry (read about the latest: “Move Your Money” Goes Nationwide As Cities Pull Their Money”)

Occupy Wall Street

The leaderless resistance movement continues to take on the greed and corruption of the 1 percent, including a recent day of action for public transit workers. Check the website for gatherings and actions in your community.

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THINGS YOU DO NOT* WANT TO DO STONED

*Hang out with people smoking more pot than you.
*Hang out with people smoking less pot than you.
*Quote/Dissect/Perform Monty Python.
*Show somebody else Yellow Submarine for the first time.
*Try to analyze Easy Rider, in any certain terms.
*Think of all the girls who got away.
*Picture people as dinosaurs.
*Use the word badger more than once.
*Lie on top of your buddy’s car hood and picture yourself losing gravity, falling directly up into space, face a mask of horror as each darkening moment becomes a screaming nightmare losing the sweet, sweet taste of fresh air.
*Get all twitchy.
*Pretend not to be stoned.

We may add to this list in the FUTURE…

I don’t know if my mood reflects the weather, or the other way around

Sometimes I feel like firestarter, like I was born the God of shitty mornings and nobody told me. I look at the sky and I say, “well, thus began his shitty day.” Now, am I affirming what the weather of Gotham is telling me I must believe, or would I have felt that way regardless, and the weather is always a coincidence, OR, is my shitty mood intertwined with the meteorological patterns like Elliot was to E.T.’s drunk ass. And ANOTHER thing, why was he called E.T. the Extraterrestrial. E.T. stands for Extraterrestrial. His full name is basically Extraterrestrial the Extraterrestrial. But I bet his real name on his home planet, (where apparently they really like flowers) is called Dong Thrustforth. Yeah. That’s a lot cooler. And more importantly, why do I keep thinking of young Drew Barrymore movies. Damn the Barrymore family!

I should not be allowed to think while riding the bus. Or showering. Or walking on Southside.

Here is what a normal art student’s mind sounds like when walking on Southside after consuming a marihuana cigarette in an empty movie theatre that has just played “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” Ahem… “Man, that movie blew. And by that I mean it rocked. It sucked so bad it was awesome. Like Dr. Who. But more like Starship Troopers… 2… Yeah, the book was better. Then again, the book didn’t have a musical opening… hey, what does that sign say? ‘New Dining Why Gotham Works.’ Grandma Moses, that sentence doesn’t even make sense! It’s not even a sentence. That’s just poor design and I’m not even a graphic designer. ‘New Dining’? Do they mean new Dining Establishment? Is that a fragment? No! It’s a fragment of a fragment! It’s a shell casing! Jesus H. Christ on a Criscuit Cracker with Cheese that’s stupid! And the whole sentence probably wouldn’t make much sense either… And what do they mean by Gotham Works? That’s the name of the new shopping area, so ‘Works’ is not a verb. It’s part of the proper noun. Did they mean ‘New Dining Establishments are coming to Gotham Works?’ Why would they put the word ‘why’ in there? Did they mean ‘New Dining Establishments Are Why Gotham Works… Works?’ God! Hey, who is that guy? I know that guy. He looks familiar! Pete… Paul… Pat… Patrick! I used to hang out with him! Hey dude, what’s up? You go to Polytechnic, right? We used to smoke up with Mike Philips? Yeah! Awesome, haven’t seen you in ages! Sweet pop rocks! That reminds me, I have to call my friend Paul in Arizona. I will use my new cell phone! Okay.. okay… shit I got his machine.. I will not leave a message. Hey, I know this guy, too! It’s Buddy from when I worked at the record store. Is that your girl? Cool, man, it’s been a while. No. Me either. Shit, the Photo Hut is gone! And better yet, the Groovy Emporium is displaying a bunch of PEZ dispensers! Who in their right mind would need that many PEZ? They even have a Marvin the Martian PEZ. Come end of the week, when I cash my check, if that sucka still there, he be mine. And Dave has the new Bryan Adams. Who in their right mind would need the new Bryan Adams? I’m hungry. Why isn’t the Barrel open past three? If they were open 24 hours they’d make a shit-ton of money. I’m tired.”

They’re not good ideas, but I had to get them out of my head before they rotted my insides like crack-cocaine. And if it hadn’t been for my horse I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.

There was this fat lady in the movie theatre, not that I make fun of people for that usually, but she was REALLY annoying. I mean, I didn’t even see her get through the doors but it was an astounding concept. And she TALKED through the whole movie… “Hey, this is a reference to the third book, ‘So Long and Thanks for all the Fish!'” What tipped you off? When the dolphins repeatedly sang ‘SO LONG AND THANKS FOR ALL THE MOTHER FUCKIN FISH???’ And then she says, “Wow, there’s another Douglas Adams reference.” Yo, it’s not a REFERENCE when they are optioning a MOVIE based on his BOOK! The entire thing is a reference. No, it’s an ADAPTATION. It’s an INTERPRETATION! Then she says, “You’re not supposed to be smoking that in here!” like some narc or something, so I gave her my popcorn. It was only five dollars and there was way too much of it for me to eat and then it all made sense. It wasn’t her fault that she was fat. Growing up, her parents must have just kept putting Flintstones Push-Pops in her mouth whenever she wouldn’t SHUT THE HELL UP! And why the fuck did she sit next to me in an EMPTY movie theatre? Nobody else was there!! She had the entire movie theatre to take up, and she practically DID! But why centrally locate your mass near ME, unless you want a contact buzz?

And you know what else? There are these people who come up to me and say, “Hey, You’re Bill… Nye… heh… the Science Guy…” and then they sing the song because it rhymes so well and say “BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY!” I hate him! I hate his fucking face and I want to feed him PCP so he’ll slice of bits of it and feed it to his dog, because his dog needs soem fucking kosher-face nutrition. Fuck science! And fuck his first name! And fuck fostering a love of learning in the generations of tomorrow! God, people who do that “Bill Nye” shit make me wanna… wanna.. take a black plastic spork and scoop out chunks of flesh from their body. Yes. And I do not want to commit to certain parts of the body, because I like to improv. I need the flexibility, I’m an artsy Bohemian type who thrives on an open and liberal environment of creative stimulation. Sometimes I feel like a knee scoop, sometimes I feel like a nipple scoop, and sometimes… not often but sometimes… I go for the eyebrow scoop. This is handy because then the flesh grows back there but the hair doesn’t. It’s what happened to TOny Danza. He came up to me and we introduced ourselves and then HE thought it would be funny to say, “Hey, yo must be Bill… Bill Nye the Science Guy…” and then he sang it, and then he danced a little in place, and that was a knell, TOny Danza, that beckon thee to heaven or to hell. Because then, while he still reveleth in all his self-serving wit, I took my black plastic spork, stinky with the flesh of the ages, and digging claw-side first dug it deeply into the geletinous ballistic-styled gel of his eyebrow, slowly rotating the scoop until it pulled forth a quivering mass of meat and hair, and let it fall to the ground with a juicy SMAT! He was screaming and bleeding and asking, in a thick Brooklyn accent, why I would ever even THINK do that, let alone write about it in my blog, and I replied, “WHO’S THE BOSS NOW, BITCH!”

Hold me closer, TOny Danza… count the headlights on the highway….

I really fucked up his shit, yo. Auschwitz: da original ghetto.

So, Pharli and I were driving and we heard, on the radio, “The Boys Are Back in Town” by Thin Lizzy. Now, I have the sort of musical upbringing by my father that can be likened to the Jewish Kid in Chaim Potok’s “The Chosen.” But Pharli is a bit arrogant, so when he starts rambling about music I like to throw red herrings out there like the fishmonger from the Muppet Show. “Man, I love Canadian rock.” I say. “Saga, Guess Who, Rush, and Bachman Turner Overdrive.” I indicate the radio. Pharli, who agrees with me on the Canadian Rock subject, let’s not waver on that issue, says, “THis is an Irish band.” I say no. I know where this is going. We go back and forth, “This is Thin Lizzy” “No, this is BTO.” UNtil he calls the radio station. Predictable.

This is what the DJ (not from full house) heard that evening

Pharli: “Hello, I just wanna know if the song you JUST played was by Thin LIzzy, or Bachman Turner Overdrive ((background: it’s BTO, man!))
DJ: That was Thin Lizzy, man.
Pharli: I KNEW IT! ((fuck you!)) I FUCKING KNEW IT!! ((they DID that song, I know it!)) YOU EAT THE FUCKING STEAK SIRLOIN FROM MY ASSLESS CHAPS, I KNEW IT!!
DJ: What?
Pharli: Yeah, I wanna make a request. ((oh no!)) That’s right I wanna hear “Twilight ZOne” By Golden Earring. ((Fuck you, let me out of this car, man.
DJ: Okay, whatever man. What’s your name?
Pharli: Pharli. ((asshole!))
DJ: I’ll get right on that, Pharli.
Pharli: Okay now, take care.

They never played his song.

So long and thanks for all the fish.