Tag Archives: quotes

All I Really Need to Know I Learned From Arrested Development

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Arrested Development, quite possibly the most finely crafted series ever to hit television screens, is slated to return any day now. With all fourteen new episodes to be released on Netflix at once, we’ve been excitedly re-watching, reading about, speculating and incessantly quoting for months (years) now. And though it seems like this will probably be a standalone run with no plans announced to produce a follow-up movie or further seasons, I hope the executives at Netflix have nonetheless anticipated our anticipation, lest their massive servers be brought down by our cultish traffic. No matter what happens, the Bluths and their Balboa mythos in the O.C. have already indelibly altered our lives and philosophical outlook, for better or worse. Because they understand more than you’ll… never know.

All I really need to know I learned fromarresteddev

  1. Always leave a note.
  2. Feel the hot sting of sweat in your eyes from an honest day’s work.
  3. Curl up in a ball and remain motionless when confronted.
  4. I’d rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona.
    Arrested Development - Jessica Walter
  5. Never give up animation rights.
  6. Hermano means brother.
  7. Don’t yell.
  8. Never promise crazy a baby.
  9. Vodka goes bad once it’s opened.
  10. You want your belt to buckle, not the chair.
  11. Do not be afraid to ride her. Hard.
  12. It’s okay to take a little something from work.
  13. The blue part of the map is land.
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  14. Do not order the Skip’s Scramble.
  15. Don’t leave the door open with the air conditioning running.
  16. This close they always look like landscape. But nope, you’re looking at balls.
  17. Children should be neither seen nor heard.
  18. It’s the poor craftsman who blames his tools.
  19. You’re gonna get some hop-ons.
  20. Annyong is Hello.
  21. When you can do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have a lot more fun.arrested-development-season-4
  22. It ain’t easy being white, it ain’t easy being brown…
  23. Never touch the Cornballer!
  24. Sometimes a diet is the best defense.
  25. It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life.
  26. A Fake Popemobile doesn’t stop real bullets.
  27. Wine only turns into alcohol if you let it sit.
  28. Buy all your cars at police auctions.
  29. Buy yourself a tape recorder and just record yourself for a whole day. I think you’re going to be surprised at some of your phrasing.
  30. arrested-development-tv-shoow-image-blue-tobias-01Don’t pit your sons against each other.
  31. Portugal is in South America.
  32. Take the foil off the ding-dong before putting it in the microwave.
  33. If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a night, but if you teach a man to fish, he’ll want to use your yacht.
  34. Thou shalt protect thy father, and honor no one above him, unless it be-eth me, thy sweet Lord.
  35. The only scary thing about a one-armed man trying to scare someone is the fact that he feels his one arm is only good for trying to scare somebody.

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  1. When life hands you a chance to be with someone special, you just grab that brownish area by its points and you don’t let go no matter what your mom says.
  2. A trick is something a whore does for money. Or cocaine candy.
  3. If there’s still plenty of meat on that bone, take it home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you’ve got a stew going.
  4. The jury is still out on science.
  5. Too many lives have been ruined because some cheap waitress at a HoJo’s said she used an IUD.
  6. Faith is a fact.
  7. You gotta lock that down.
  8. British Parliament has three Houses.
  9. If you have a son, either take him to the cabin in the woods, or promise to take him and then not take him. But never not tell him that you’re taking him to a cabin in the woods and then not take him.
  10. Don’t teach lessons.
  11. NO TOUCHING!
  12. Life is about making difficult sandwiches.
  13. Family is the most important thing.
  14. Breakfast is the most important thing (of the things you eat).
  15. There’s always money in the banana stand.
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Botched Cloak and Dagger

2010-06-26

Ne’er-do-well and cohort Ze Black Waffle wreaks his sick revenge of musical nonsense on the Stranger, and vicariously, the audience… only one can be the winner of their ridiculous quote war! Will it bring about the much-vaunted apocalypse!?

PLAYLIST
Machito – Hall of the Mambo King – Mucho Macho
Frank Zappa – We Can Shoot You – Uncle Meat (1969)
Bob James – Valley Of The Shadows – Valley of the Shadows
Paul McCartney & Wings – Live and Let Die – Best of Bond
Tom Jones – Delilah
The Ambassador – Searchin’
Jimi Hendrix – Message – 9 to the Universe – Axis: Bold As Love
The Humble Souls – Beads, Things, and Flowers – Humble Souls
Monkees – Papa Gene’s Blues – I’m a Believer
The Decemberists – The Mariner’s Revenge Song – Picaresque
80 Drums Around The World – Caravan – Ultra-Lounge, Vol. 1: Mondo Exotica
Al Green – Strong as Death, Sweet as Love
Seals & Crofts – Yellow Dirt – Summer Breeze
Dr. Hook – Cover of the Rolling Stone – Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show Revisited
Snowboy – Trapacuda – Snowboy – Download E.p.
Heywood Banks – Big Butter Jesus – Pretending I’m Not Home
Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young – Ohio – Deja Vu
ZZ Top – La Grange – The Best of ZZ Top
Grateful Dead – Space
Billy Joel – Captain Jack
Doctor and The Medics – Spirit In the Sky – These People Are Nuts
Group X – Idioth – 40 Oz. Slushie
Terry Scott Taylor – Low Dee Doh – Neverhood Songs
They Might Be Giants – I Am Not Your Broom – No!
Groucho Marx – I’m Against It – Horsefeathers

Stranger in a Strange Land 2010-06-26: Botched Cloak and Dagger (with Ze Black Waffle) by The Stranger on Mixcloud

~The Stranger
thestranger@earthling.net

“Whatever it is, I’m against it!”

The Hunter S Thompson Tribute Show

2010-02-20

Readings, reflections, recordings and ravings of a mad Southern gentleman and his friends, enemies, fans and musical infleunces and influencees. The Stranger gets gonzo on the air with DJ C-Foo and a whole lot of audio psychotropics as tribute to the late, great journalistic genius, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. Because when the going gets weird*, the weird turn pro.

PLAYLIST
Tom Waits – What’s He Building In There – Mule Variations
Big Brother and The Holding Company – In the Hall of the Mountain King
Booker T & MGs – Time is Tight
James Booker – Gonzo
Sonny Boy Williamson – Bring it on Home
Flying Burrito Brothers – Sin City – Sweetheart of the Rodeo
Cadillac Angels – Outlaw Beatnik – 16 Tons of Twang
Hermann Thieme – Dirty Drugs – Hard Hitting: Wewerka Soul Jazz
Brewer & Shipley – One Toke Over the Line
Creedence Clearwater Revival – Long As I Can See the Light – Cosmo’s Factory
Steve Earle – Devil’s Right Hand
Laurie Anderson – Language is a Virus – Talk Normal
Elvis Presley – Promised Land
Lucky Starr – I’ve Been Everywhere
Doors – Alabama Song – Doors
Jefferson Airplane – White Rabbit
Hugo Montenegro – Jilly’s Joint – Lady in Cement
Modulo 1000 – Animalia – Nao Fale Com Paredes
Steppenwolf – The Pusher – Easy Rider Soundtrack
Dick Dale – Banzai Washout – Big Surf
Lee Hazelwood – Muchacho
Ralph Steadman, Hunter S. Thompson, Mo Dean – Weird and Twisted Nights – Gonzo
Cowboy Junkies – Sweet Jane
Warren Zevon – Lawyers, Guns & Money
Green Willis – Whiskey Before Breakfast
Norman Greenbaum – Spirit In the Sky

Buy the ticket, take the ride:

Stranger in a Strange Land 2010-02-20: Hunter S Thompson Tribute by The Stranger on Mixcloud

~The Stranger
thestranger@earthling.net

*”It never got weird enough for me.”
-Hunter S. Thompson

“Graffiti is beautiful, like a brick in the face of a cop.”
-Hunter S. Thompson

Calvin quotes

My brain is trying to kill me.

(about death) It’s either mean or it’s arbitrary, and either way I’ve got the heebie-jeebies.

I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world
I think if you’re born, it’s too late

Reading goes faster when you don’t sweat comprehension.

If you can just get most people to ignore you and leave you alone, you’re doing good.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

I achieve a lower consciousness.

They say the secret of success is being at the right place at the right time, but since you never know when the right time is going to be, I figure the trick is to find the right place and just hang around.

I’ve found some protest music for today’s youth, this stuff really offends mom and dad. Easy listening muzak. I play it real quiet, too.

I’m not dumb, I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

You can’t turn creativity on like a faucet, you have to be in the right mood; last minute panic.

Isn’t it weird how scientists can imagine all the matter of the universe exploding out of a dot smaller than the head of a pin, but they can’t come up with a more evocative name for it than “the Big Bang”?

I think it’s a fallacy that taste bottoms out somewhere. If they find a way to aim even lower, they’d make some real money.

Say the object of your affection walks by… first, your heart falls into your stomach and splashes your innards. All the moisture makes you sweat profusely, this condensation shorts the cirtcuits to your brain, and you get all woozy, when your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages and you babble like a cretin until she leaves.

I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can’t, and the incapacity to tell the difference.

Little Blurbs of Wisdom Published…

Abe Lincoln- “I don’t know who my grandfather was; I am much more concerned to know what his grandson will be.”
Ambrose Bierce- “Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.”
“the covers of this book are too far apart.”
Mark Twain- “Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.”
Ernest Hemingway- “When writing a novel a writer should create living people; people not characters. A character is a caricature.”
“Eschew the monumental. Shun the Epic. All the guys who can paint great big pictures can paint great small ones.”
“The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock-proof, shit detector. This is the writer’s radar and all great writers have had it.”
“That terrible mood of depression of whether itís any good or not is what is known as The Artist’s Reward.”
Kurt Vonnegut- “I was taught that the human brain was the crowning glory of evolution so far, but I think it’s a very poor scheme for survival.”
Ray Bradbury- “I don’t try to describe the future. I try to prevent it.”
Walt Whitman- “Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes).”
John Steinbeck- “The discipline of the written word punishes both stupidity and dishonesty.”
Herman Melville’s Captain Ahab- “The lightning flashes through my skull; mine eyeballs ache and ache; my whole beaten brain seems as beheaded, and rolling on some stunning ground.”
F. Scott Fitzgerald- “When the first-rate author wants an exquisite heroine or a lovely morning, he finds that all the superlatives have been worn shoddy by his inferiors. It should be a rule that bad writers must start with plain heroines and ordinary mornings, and, if they are able, work up to something better.”
“Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.”
“To a profound pessimist about life, being in danger is not depressing.”
Henry David Thoreau- “Pity the man who has a character to support, it is worse than a large family, he is silent poor indeed.”
“I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew as well.”
“As there is a use in medicine for poisons, so the world cannot move without rogues.”
Arthur Miller’s Lyman- “I love her too, but our neuroses don’t match.”
Will Rogers- “Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.”
Ezra Pound- “Starvation: It’s listed as part of the poetic training, you know.”
Emily Dickinson- “Surgeons must be very careful,
When they take the knife!,
Underneath their fine incisions,
Stirs the Culprit: Life!”
Carl Sandburg- “Sometime they’ll give a war and nobody will come.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.- “If a man hasn’t discovered something that he will die for, he isn’t fit to live.”
Thomas Szasz- “A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he has a right not only to be right but also to be wrong.”
E.L. Doctorow- “It’s like driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.”