Tag Archives: game

The Big Lebowski Game

vodka (or rum)
cream, milk, or half & half
Kahlua or Tia Maria
‘Old-Fashioned’ glasses
that good Sasparilla root beer
PBR and Miller High Life beer
weed rolled into joints
In-n-Out Burgers

must drink a Caucasian whenever the Dude does
must ‘do a j’ when the Dude does
must sip either beer or that good Sasparilla when ‘the Dude’ is said
when ‘fuck it man, let’s go bowling’ is said
when ‘shut the fuck up, Donnie’ is said
whenever someone says ‘Johnson’ or ‘Marmot’
whenever someone gets a strike
must make ‘one hell of a Caucasian’ when Jackie Treehorn does
must eat In-n-Out burgers when they appear on screen

Where can I find some people worth my time?

Mortal humans bore me so.

I honestly believe that people become less and less interesting as they grow older. In elementary school, everyone is gross and weird and unique and cool. Then some of them straighten up in middle school to the standards that they believe will get them the most social acceptance and least ridicule. The same goes for high school, but then there’s also the opposite sex and prospective colleges to worry about. And so many once fascinating creatures that made it that long into university, then staunchly reform for the suitable and formal job market, go corporate, and allow their inner child to atrophy. If they’re boring and lucky enough, then they’ll get enough boring corporate endorsements to make it big, and boring social acceptance to be renowned for being socially acceptable, and get boring promotions and meet a boring partner and build a boring life with a boring family and non-noteworthy events in predictable settings wholly and utterly without adventure, whimsy, absurdity, awesomeness or weirdness. They won’t get interesting again until they’re so old that shitting their pants is no longer an embarrassing prospect.

Nonexistent friend requests are emailed to me in droves on a nearly daily basis, from women with exotic and enticing names like ‘Phillis’ and ‘Agatha’.. whoo man! Break out the Geritol and the Vicks Vaporub, Agatha and Phillis are coming over to read detective fiction and play CANASTA! Alas, women as ideal as this do not exist, as evidenced by the stubborn inability of the Myspace inbox and the notifications it sends to my regular email to corroborate.

In the order of the resolution of some climactic suspenseful cliffhangers:

So I finally have a job. I will be working in a bookstore, which is something that SHOULD have happened to me eight years and thirty-six days ago, already. Oy! And with the kvetching, even! And to let you ease back off the edge of your seat; yes, I found a website with cool games. http://pixeljam.com/ They only have a couple for now, but they’re pretty addictive.
But that’s not what you were really expecting me to talk about. You all expected me to talk about.. birefringence. So without much further ado (ado? a doo? adieu? fais do-do? hm):
1. Birefringence is a property of birefringency.
2. Birefringency results when isotropic materials are deformed such that the isotropy is lost in one direction
3. To be a little more quantitative, since the index of refraction of a material is defined as the ratio of the speed of light in a vacuum to that in the material, we have for this case, ne = c/V| | and no = c/V^ for the velocities of a wave travelling perpendicular to the director and polarized parallel and perpendicular to the director, so that the maximum value for the birefringence, Dn = ne – no.
4. More generally, birefringence can be defined by considering a dielectric permittivity and a refractive index that are tensors.
5. The effects of birefringent material result from its anisotropy, which often shows a strong temperature dependence, vanishing at the nematic to isotropic phase transition.
6. Birefringency may arise from molecular organisation of the material (form birefringence.), alignment of molecules due to tension (stress birefringence.) or alignment of rod like particles in flow (flow birefringence).
7. If the material has a single axis of anisotropy or optical axis, (i.e. it is uniaxial) birefringence can be formalised by assigning two different refractive indices to the material for different polarizations.
8. High birefringence induced by elliptical air hole photonic crystal fibers (EHPCFs) is analyzed numerically using the finite-element method. Ellipsometry can also be used to measure the phase change in birefringent materials
9. Applying a magnetic field can cause a material to be circularly birefringent.
10. Birefringence can be observed in amyloid plaque deposits such as are found in the brains of Alzheimer’s victims. Modified proteins such as immunoglobulin light chains abnormally accumulate between cells, forming fibrils. Multiple folds of these fibers line up and take on a beta-pleated sheet conformation. Congo red dye intercalates between the folds and, when observed under polarized light, causes birefringence.
11. Biaxial birefringence, also known as trirefringence, (or alternately, trirefringency), describes an anisotropic material that has more than one axis of anisotropy. For such a material, the refractive index tensor will in general have three distinct eigenvalues
12. Birefringency and related optical effects (such as optical rotation and linearly birefringent uniaxial crystalline materials characterised by having a unique optic axis of symmetry, or circular dichroism) can be measured by polarimetry.
13. Birefringency is a property of birefringence.
14. Needle aspiration of fluid from a gouty joint will reveal negatively birefringent urate crystals.
15. In biochemistry, flow birefringence is a hydrodynamic technique for measuring the rotational diffusion constants (or, equivalently, the rotational drag coefficients. The equilibrium between two processes as a function of the flow provides a measure of the axial ratio of the ellipsoidal particle.
16. Crystals possessing birefringence include hexagonal (such as calcite), tetragonal, and trigonal crystal classes exhibit birefringence, and are known as uniaxial, the oft cited example is rhombohedron calcite. Silicon carbide, also known as Moissanite, is strongly birefringent.
17. Birefringent materials are often prone to cleavage
18. Colchicine alters the nerve birefringence response.
19. As a wavelength gets shorter, more stringent tolerances are required for low residual index inhomogeneity, anisotropy, and birefringence.
20. Applications of birefringency include retinal birefringence scanning (RBS), methods for compensating the birefringence of optical polymers by doping them with inorganic birefringent crystals, the birefringence of an isotropic material estimated when observed and/or photographed in a polarized light microscope, but in seismic applications, birefringency presents two opposing aspects.
21. Inducing stress in a material that exhibits birefringence can indicate molecular orientation.
22. A constraint related to time of flight is birefringence.
23. Violating birefringency can erase linear polarization as a wave propagates, hence measurements of polarization constrain the relevant operators.
24. Birefringency and birefringence are interchangeable terms.
25. The broadening and depolarization of pulsar average profiles may be due to the birefringence of the plasma above pulsar polar caps.
BIREFRINGENCY… AND YOU! Here are some websites to help you in your long and embattled journey through the labrynthine logic and migraine-inducing topography of BIREFRINGENCE!!
Oh. And I’ve decided to join a bunch of online dating services, stop paying taxes on the basis that there is no tax code at all, join the Flat Earth Society, and accept the moon landing as fake. (Just wait til they hear my theories on the Holocaust!)


I wish I knew some cool internet games.

Nobody on the whole world-wide web will play Toki Toki Boom with me.

Improv Games

Academy Awards
Do boring scene, every time outside troupe member blows the whistle, the actor speaking must step out and do a cheesy academy-award winning monologue.

Two actor scene getting relationship, the other two are the voices inside their heads. Interplay between voices and actors, funny if theirs contradictions in this game, action-action-action.

Customs agent
One person leaves, get from audience country that they are coming from, wacky contraband, and mode of transportation. Person comes in and has to work with customs agent/other troupe members in order to guess the three things.

Dating Game (Love Connection)
Get audience member, three troupe members are the bachelors, imitate either dating game or Love connection style, get traits/occupations for bachelors, audience member is picked at beginning of show and writes their questions ahead of time.

Emotion Zones (Car)
Two actors, get location and three emotions, separate the stage into three sections and assign each an emotion, actors have to have that emotion in that zone, other troupe members can come into the scene.

Emotional Roller Coaster
Number of actors: 2, and a director
Audience participation: Audience gives a long list of emotions (these can be stretch emotions like French or stupid) and a location.
How it works: Scene starts off basic, but the director will call off emotions from his list and one of the actors changes their emotional being; the other actor plays the “straight-man” Scene usually ends with narcolepsy.

Entrances and Exits
Number of actors: 3-5
Audience participation: The audience gives each actor a word; location.
How it works: Scene starts with two actors on stage the others offstage. Whenever an actor’s word is said, that actor must make an entrance if they are off-stage, exit if they are on-stage. Scene ends when all actors are offstage (i.e. when one actor is left on-stage, he says his own word).

Every-day Olympics
Get every-day activity from audience, have two sportscasters, two competitors, and two on-the-field reporters.

First line/last line
Two person scene, other players can support. Get a first line of dialogue and a last line of dialogue for the scene, players fill in the rest of the dialogue.

Four ways to die
Number of actors: 4
Audience Participation: The audience gives a location and four ways a person could die.
How it works: The scene starts (with usually not everyone on stage), and through the course of the action, each actor must die by one of the 4 ways given. No one is assigned any of the 4 ways, the actors figure out who will die by what way as the scene evolves.

Two actors on-one off get first line/last line from audience and a location. Actors do the first scene in a minute, with third actor coming in about 3/4 the way through. Scene is then done in 30 seconds, 15 seconds, 10 seconds, 5 seconds.

Get a story from someone in the audience. present this situation three different times, rotating the actors playing the different parts and interpreting the situation differently. Can forgo with audience member story (for simplicity) and do three person scene and then rotate actors.

Lines from a Hat (Whip it Out)
Number of actors: 2
Audience Participation: During an intermission or before the show, the audience write lines of dialogue on pieces of paper and puts them into a hat. When scene stars a location is given.
How it works: The two actors do a simple scene, but must pull lines intermittently from the hat, read them immediately and incorporate them into the scene. Wackiness ensues.

Like the show, two actor’s (MacGyver and little Jimmy) must save a life-threatening situation or catastrophe, but only have three-objects told to the actors by the audience.

Minor Characters
Start off with two actors and get location/story-title – two actors start scene – another minor character comes in – when he exits – actually when anybody exits the scene, the scene follows them, try to have a coherent story-line and wrap things up with re-current characters at the end.

Movie critics
Get a name of a movie, two movie reviewer characters, introduce themselves and the movie, but not the first clip, actors perform the first clip, then hosts set-up the next clip for the actors, then the reviewers give their thumbs up or down (or other thing, preferably, up or down or amount of something, like three avocados), then preview next week’s movie (actors do a tableau) and say good-bye.

Mr. Subliminal
Get occupation for the two actors, one subconscious gets something to be fixated with, the other gets childhood trauma, two actors are the thoughts for the other two actors but the thoughts are fixated on the two topics, escalates to the point where two thoughts rank on each other and get into fight and have to be separated by the actual two people.

Audience gives topic to talk about. One person starts talking until another actor yells objection and states their reason. The judge/timer can sustain or overrule, if they sustain the objecting person starts talking about the subject. Object is to be actor talking after three minutes is up. Objections should start out normal and then get wackier/personal.

One-letter Improv
Two actor’s-get two consonants from the audience. Every sentence (or word!) each actor says must start with their letter.

Press Conference
One actor is sent out of the room. The audience gives a famous person, a problem, and something weird about the problem to the fronter. The actor comes back in, and gives a press conference, trying to guess who he is and what his problem is based on clues given by the other troupe members in the questions they ask him.

One improver leaves, and get an object from the audience and something wrong with it that normally wouldn’t think would be wrong with it, person comes in returning it but has no clue and must figure out what it is, clerk doesn’t help that much, but other improvers come in and help out.

Audience member tells about a time when they feel slighted, unjustified, improvers portray the scene, then right the wrong in a funny way.

Script writers
Get title for movie/TV show two guys are writing the script, they set up scene, other actors come up and play that scene, authors keep changing things, going back, plot twists, introducing new characters, monologues, songs, etc.

Two actors leave the room, third person gets a place to go on vacation, a famous person or character to go on vacation with, and six things that they did while on vacation. Actors come in, person presents their slides by making clicking noise to which the actors freeze into a new position, hilarity comes from how presenter explains obviously contrary pictures.

Space Jump
Number of actors: 4-6
How it works: First actor is given a simple action by the audience. He starts off by doing the action until one of the other actors freezes him, the new person comes in and starts a new two-person scene justifying the new scene by incorporating the last person’s physicality into the new scene. The new scene continues until another person freezes it and comes in and starts a new three-person scene. This continues until all the actors are in the scene, at that point, the last person who came in finds a reason to leave, and the scene reverts back to the scene before he came in. This process continues all the way back until you are left with just the one person again doing his action given by the author.

Stunt Doubles
Two actors do a scene about a (dangerous) activity, when one of the actors is about to get hurt, the director calls for a stunt double for him, an outside actor comes in and takes the physical punishment, the scene then resumes with the original actor who is unharmed. Their are two stunt doubles for the scene, and they carry previous injuries into subsequent times they enter the scene.

Number of actors: 4
Audience participation: made-up language, and topic of expertise
How it works: Two actor’s do a scene in their made-up gibberish language, the other two-actors run across the stage after each line and translate the line, thus the sub-title.

Two Utes (Film noir)
Get relationship, after each line, actor steps out and narrates like in film noir, tells things that other actor is doing/will doing, humor in this game is from forcing other people to do crazy, unexpected stuff. Also done simpler by each person sticking to saying after the other’s line, “he said while …. (insert activity).”

You sick bastard
Take audience member and a controversial or gross topic, members from the troupe come up the audience member and try to make them laugh by doing something pertaining to the topic, when they do laugh, the audience yells, “you sick bastard” If competition style, points are given to team of succeeding person. Teams should alternate in this game.

Here Comes Charlie: two-three people waiting for Charlie, they describe different traits he has, actor then comes in as Charlie and has to display those traits.

Scene with an Attitude: each actor gets an attitude for the scene like ìEveryoneís out to get meî, ìEverybodyís beautifulî, etc.

Levels/Status: either two person scene, where have eventual change in each person from high to low status, or the whole troupe mingling around in a party as either high or low status and then have everyone switch, in these games, everyone should act to the extreme, in all scenes, someone should be high and the other person low status.

Counting: actors must count off, but only one number per person, in random order, and if two people talk at once, count starts over

Walks: lead with different parts of your body, and see what kind of character springs from that kind of walk

Human Knot

Bombardment:  one person is in the center, each person around the circle thinks up of a relationship to that person and/or something that they want from that person, the director then taps random people to go in and bombard that person, and then tags new people to go in and the old person leaves.

Four Through the Door: someone leads, every improver comes up to them, they are at an information desk, as a different character, and for each round can have a different style of character (i.e. ethnic or energetic).

Name Three: name three-five things associated with a place, three-five things not associated with a place.

3-Sentence Scene: Actors take turns doing scenes with just three sentences. Other rules are that you can’t ask questions, each statement must be said with emotion/attitude, and the first two sentences must acknowledge who the other person is. Optional rule: limit the number of words in each sentence.

Protector/Predator: Everyone gets around in a circle. In their head they choose one person to be their protector and one person to be their predator. When everyone is ready, someone yells go, and everyone runs around with the objective of always trying to keep their protector in between themselves and their predator.

Hitchhiker: Two people mime driving down the road, eventually they pick up a hitchhiker. The person playing the hitchhiker has a physical and/or verbal personality quirk that the other people in the car must pick up on. Once they do, the driver leaves, and the shot-gun person moves to driver and picks up a new hitchhiker.

Job Interview: 3, 90 second scenes. In each scene, one person comes in as a different character interviewing for a job with the same interviewer. Interviewer asks them a series of question delving into their personal and professional life, finally ending off with “So tell me why you want to be an X” where X is something that this person is not qualified to do.

Scenes on a Theme: Everyone in the troupe participates, get a noun or theme, everyone performs in at least one two-person scene based on the theme or noun given. Scenes can be supported and swept to a new scene just like a Harold, but no scenes come back a second time.

Physicalization Scenes: Two person scene, actors do physical actions for location or noun given for 30 seconds before starting the dialogue for the scene.

Cocktail Party: X sets of two people at a cocktail party. Each group gives the next group their theme for the conversation. Each group converses on their theme until another group starts talking and the first group fades out. Eventually each group lets their conversation be affected by the topics of the other groups without actually physically interacting.

Motivation Scenes: Two person scenes where each actor is secretly given their motivation for the scene by the director.

Wake: One troupe member pretends to be dead. Each actor in the troupe goes up to the dead body and says their good-byes to that person. Each subsequent person must build upon what the last person said in their good-bye through the eyes of their character.

Commodore Bob is here

so I would like to relate to you a conversation we had a while back that can only be envisioned as we sat up on the floor eight: the Industrial Design floor, swirling our Brandy snifters, speaking as if arrogant British Gentlemen’s Club Members were we with monocles and mutton-chops.

Bresh: What is this music we are listening to on Compact Disc, Bobert?
Bobert: Ah, you know me, Breshvic. It’s just Bach again.
Bresh: You know what they say, Bobert. You can’t go Bach again.
(arrogant chortling)
Bobery: Quite right. Quite right. Still, I’d like a compilation of other classical composers, just to mix it up.
Bresh: Well, maybe I’ll make you a Liszt.
Bobert: You know, if it isn’t Baroque, I don’t fix it.
(more arrogant chortling)
Bobert: Ah, the little people!
Bresh: Yes, they’re so Goddamned little.

It’s fun to be arrogant sometimes. It waters it down so that you won’t do it all the time. Just make sure you do it around people that you don’t care too much for in the first place.

Commodore Bob and I are playing a game…

We are playing the “would you rather” game. Would you rather be Tom Woolfe or Hunter S. Thompson? Would you rather have all your fingernails ripped off or all your toenails? Cross the perimeter of Australia with no provisions, or pull a dagger quickly from your buttocks? Having your dick caught in a rattrap, or getting your leg caught in a beartrap? Would you rather be James Garner from Maverick or James Garner from Rockford? Who would win in a fight between Ricardo Montalbaum and George Hamilton? Who would win in a fight between Kojak and Columbo? Who would win a race between the car from Dirty Harry and the car from Bullit? Who would you rather be, J.R. Ewing or Bobby Ewing? Young Marlon Brando or Old? Julis Caesar or Napoleon? East of Eden James Dean or Rebel Without a Cause James Dean? Die like Jack Nicholson in the Shining, or die like Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest? Kublai Kahn or Ramses II? If you were a Sith, would you rather be defeated by Mace Windu or Yoda? Would you rather win or lose a really good argument with Henry Kissinger? Which is better, checkers or chess? Which would you rather be stabbed to death with, checkers or chess pieces. You’re out of toilet paper; do you use the pages of National Geographic or Saturday Evening Post? Would you rather be eaten by zombie Andrew Lloyd Weber or zombie Quentin Tarantino? Would you rather toil in obscurity for the better of mankind, or have hollow fame handed to you on a silver platter? What was the best fight in the Rocky movies? Who was a better Riddler, Jim Carrey or Frank Gorshin? Would you rather be a man about to lose his baby because his girlfriend wanted an abortion and you had no say in it, or the woman who had to make that decision? Would you rather live out the last two months’ of John F. Kennedy’s life, or live the entire life of a cat? Would you rather be a guy who lives under an opera house with no nose or ears, who pines for a woman he can never have, or be a heart and brain inside a four-armed robotic escape artist. Would you rather have done special effects for Raiders of the Lost Ark or Lost Crusade? Which do you choose; coke or pepsi, Long Island or Jersey, New York Times or London Telegraph, John Grisham or Dean Koontz, James Joyce or William Faulkner, Bram Stoker or Mary Shelley, Green Acres or the Beverly Hillbillies?

Would you rather be eaten by space aliens or your close friends and family?

If you were any Beatles song, which would you be? Rob said the Fool on the Hill, and I said a Day in the Life, because I love to turn you on.

Would you rather get away from your plane full of convicts (where you were one of them) and win a bunch of money in Vegas, or get away from the police with a briefcase full of diamonds? Would you rather be gunned down in Mexico in front of your surrogate brother, or fed into a wood-chipper by your former partner?

These are stupid questions, but they make better fodder than any internet quizzila you’re bound to take, and certainly better than the tripe that Barbara Walters’ serves up.

Benjamin Disraeli: “You don’t even know who I am, do you?”