Size Matters

Is the whole of something just that which is reducible to the sum of its parts? How do the interlocking teeth of the spinning gears of a mechanical universe create a ‘being’ out of time’s experiences and the random pulses of energy jumping between the empty spaces in your sloshing brainmeats?

What I mean is: our fascination (and commodity fetishism) with compartmentalization and miniaturization has taken hold in this fast-paced global technocracy. We equate it with progress; smaller circuits, smaller pets, smaller robots, smaller gadgets, thinner bodies, tighter clothes, briefer engagements, bite-sized entertainment, shorter news, attention-deficit streams of information… But whatever happened to our ancient primordial desire to embiggen?

To alchemically relarge harkening to the days of deadly Megafauna

(which, of course, were created by ancient reptilian Alien overlords and wizards). Big shows, big cars, big hair, big bands, big bang, big fish, Big Lots, big savings, big bugs, Big Bird, Big Brother, Bob’s Big Boy, big bombs, the Big Red Machine, big finishes, big sure does look like an exotic and magnificently mystifying word when you type it that many times!

As we all should know by now, size does matter, with knowing how to use it being mutually exclusive. For once you do know what to do with it, I think you’ll find that its still better if its bigger. While both skilled athletes, sumo wrestlers > horse jockeys seven days a week. Large is in charge, and
petite is pa-toot.

Megaliths are better than…. liths.

Now, I know exactly what you’re thinking, (using my sinister telepsychotropic beamray devicemachine). You’re thinking, “But Breshvic, Rick Moranis shrinks things all the time and he’s awersome!” Yea. Sure. If you think gustatory infanticide whilst chomping down your lame bowl of plain Cheerio’s is awersome. And it is. But if you remember correctly, in that documentary Rick Moranis didn’t actually make matter smaller. Using scientifical fact (sci-fa, or as the Bay Area youth call it, syfy), he simply reduced the space between molecules. This just made his kids much denser than usual, and their molecules got closer together, too. He was nominated that year for one of the IgNobel Prizes, but since he didn’t et’ his kin after all, (indeed, saved them in the end), he lost out to Dr. Nufarious’ Doomquakecycle with Action-Pump-Rotoscoping. Forsooth, Mr. Moranis was at his most super-genius when he applied himself to the embiggening arts, such as monster town-stomping babies or man-eating botany or transforming into a demonic pan-dimensional canine. This was 1980’s America, where people literally wished ‘to be big,’ before it was notorious or even socially acceptable for Biggie to be Smalls.

I am NOT implying that there is some pop culture media conspiracy to keep us all down (as in stature), or that the ancient reptilian Alien overlords and wizards have finally showed back up to implement the final stages of their cruel and intricate machinations to enslave us to this petty way of thinking once and for all. Instead, what I AM implying is that there is some pop culture media conspiracy to keep us all down (as in stature), that the ancient reptilian Alien overlords and wizards have finally showed back up to implement the final stages of their cruel and intricate machinations to enslave us to this petty way of thinking once and for all.

Now, I know exactly what you’re thinking. The War in Iraq has been big and protracted, stretched beyond imagination like a prolapsed rectum, and does not fall under the heading of ‘awersome.’ But consider; if had been short and quick, surely that must have been because the terrorists (small and divided sects that they are) had won against our righteous capitalist jingoist dinotastic might. And something would have surely prevented that in the way of Novikov self-consistency, because might makes right. Just ask the beefy god of thunda, Thor.

Aside from penile and breast enhancement advertising (full of false promises and synthetic snake-oil), good embiggening is difficult to find nowadays, and certainly more culturally taboo. Explosions and BBWs are frowned upon by prudish social mores, yet clearly awersome. But going beyond these more lavish and wanton shades, I advocate the embiggening of everything from television screens to lovelorn skyscraping apes, from squids to ziggurats, from fast food meals to comical plastic sunglasses. I almost relented once I considered Micro-Machines, but a good Monster Truck Rally fixed that.

Now, I know exactly what you’re thinking, “I’m hungry. Why do I want sassafras? Did I leave the mittens on? That’s a weird thing to think. Maybe I should murder everyone.” Wh– wha– what is wrong with you? Why? Why would you think like that? *glares disapprovingly*

So I make my (BIG) stand! The worship at the false altar of minisculity, this trend of twitter/facebook microblogging, has gone on long enough! So that nary an unwary internet native would escape its foul clutches, just as scientists tinker to unlock the tiniest building blocks of reality, as though the chaotic strings of spacetime would somehow magically unify with some observer taking note of every quip, quirk, emoticon, transit difficulty, homework assignment, lolcat and sandwich in the universe.

Thus, with all loquacious, prolix, palaverous, circumlocutory, profuse, bombastic, verbose, superfluous, voluble, garrulous, copious, diffusive, supererogatory efficiency, I present my first MACROBLOG! Held together covalent bonds of microblogs past. I reclaim this in the name of all things

“Breshvic Penicillin ‎”vestibule.”

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”doesn’t understand why so many people are upset that New York City is building a mosque near Ground Zero. Don’t they know the United States has created many Ground Zeroes near mosques?”

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”You know, I went out for football in military school, but the other kids taunted me. Said I ran funny. Well, I’ve shown them! The smug little turds. I’ve got the house, the paycheck, and they’re all lying dead in a stinking rice paddy. At least, that’s the way I like to think of them. Hey, how about a soda?”

Breshvic Penicillin “if there’s two things I hate in this world, it’s people who aren’t tolerant of other cultures… and the Dutch.”

Breshvic Penicillin “be cool or be cast out.”

Breshvic Penicillin is self-actualized.

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”Go, eat the heart cookie, its delicious. You deserve it for commiting murder.”

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”micromanagement isn’t as bad as terrorism.”

Breshvic Penicillin “precious objects are scattered all over the ground…”

Breshvic Penicillin Muni’s led arrival sign, just one of life’s little download bars.

Breshvic Penicillin San fran fun fact #11: the edinburgh castle, this place is awesome.

Breshvic Penicillin “bitch, where the motherfuckin’ cheese go at?”

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”the gentleman is right in playing the guitar!”

Breshvic Penicillin “Gas bags? MARS GAS!”

Breshvic Penicillin “chicken is nice with palm butter and rice.”

Breshvic Penicillin “…and that’s how you get to Llama school!”

Breshvic Penicillin San fran fun fact #24: to be a fashionable woman you must wear a heavy coat to protect you from freezing winds, and little to nothing covering your legs.

Breshvic Penicillin what’s in YOUR wallet?

Breshvic Penicillin more like ‘Outside Lames’. heh.

Breshvic Penicillin San fran fun fact #386: there’s a laundry place on the 5-fulton line called “get the funk out.”

Breshvic Penicillin… fish and chips schmellin’ bar…

Breshvic Penicillin thinks people should be less assuming.. or more unassuming… either way, I don’t like the way you are now.

Breshvic Penicillin “invisible nap is the best nap of all time!”

Breshvic Penicillin, ah, hello air travel, my fated nemesis.

Breshvic Penicillin Columbus’ Airport has free wi-fi, while SFO does not. More Californian price-gouging.

Breshvic Penicillin airports and constipation… Go together like heartbreak and a kick to the neck.

Breshvic Penicillin has got one more silver dollar.

Breshvic Penicillin hates it when I answer one person’s question, only to have their spouse come up and ask the EXACT same question. Seriously, if you can’t navigate your way through the travel section, how are you worldly enough to camp in Bryce Canyon or whatever…

Breshvic Penicillin lives every week like its Shark Week. But it’s Shark Week all the same.

Breshvic Penicillin is having Leibnitz troubles.

Breshvic Penicillin moves his words like a prize fighter.

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”Kurt Vonnegut used to have Mazola oil parties in Iowa City.” -some old customer guy.

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”beware the person in a hurry, for their lives are suddenly more important than yours.”

Breshvic Penicillin PH (Perfect Handshake) = √ (e^2 + ve^2)(d^2) + (cg + dr)^2 + π{(4^2)(4^2)}^2 + (vi + t + te)^2 + {(4^2 )(4^2)}^2

Breshvic Penicillin likes how facebook is a faster way to check if there really was an earthquake than the usgs.

Breshvic Penicillin has gotta stop quoting when I drink.

Breshvic Penicillin “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah spooky scary, boys becoming men, men becoming wolves..!”

Breshvic Penicillin ‎*beep*…*beep*…*BEEP!*…”I guess it must be free then, huh?” Hey, you’re real funny and original there, guy. HA. FREAKING. HA.

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”Hay is for horses. I’m allergic to horses. I see them and I have to run.”

Breshvic Penicillin “Ah… it’s a profit deal! Takes the pressure off..”

Breshvic Penicillin “Go banana!”

Breshvic Penicillin is on a clean 14 bus whaaaa-?!

Breshvic Penicillin capers and gnocci and spicy sausage = euphoria.

Breshvic Penicillin just stepped into a KMart with Little Caesar’s, free internet explorer on Dell PCs, and 3 Doors Down playing. I have discovered a timewarp to the year 2000.

Breshvic Penicillin “some days you just can’t get rid of a bomb!”

Breshvic Penicillin “you are the vulgarian, you fuck.”

Breshvic Penicillin just skipped past “Frankenstein” on my last.fm because I don’t want to look at pictures of Edgar Winters.

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”Leave me alone! I’m a regular kid! I just want to eat grubs!”

Breshvic Penicillin, Te amo, taqueria cancun.

Breshvic Penicillin Pride week: still not as gay as a french ambassador.

Breshvic Penicillin to Facebook: if you want me to answer a CAPTCHA, don’t take fifteen fucking minutes to load it. Thank you.

Breshvic Penicillin “Not my chair not my problem.”

Breshvic Penicillin is ‎”no real than you are.”

Breshvic Penicillin found one but this guy waiting for the bus wants to talk my ear off. Let me drunkenly eat my found popcorn in peace!

Breshvic Penicillin “Day-o!”

Breshvic Penicillin “As long as there’s, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without the rock and roll.”

Breshvic Penicillin don’t worry everyone! false alarm! it was just fiber!

Breshvic Penicillin dun dun dun, dun, dundun, dun, dundun.

Breshvic Penicillin just had it occured to me; nobody got upset with Ice Cube when he talked about ‘nappy-headed hos.’

Breshvic Penicillin sorry, Gary Coleman. You have to be THIS tall to get into heaven.

Breshvic Penicillin is super-effective!

Breshvic Penicillin is gonna be the first customer at the new Chipotle. I just know it.

Breshvic Penicillin not it.

Breshvic Penicillin feels as though California is gradually making me stupider. see also: “Flowers for Schwarzenegger”

Breshvic Penicillin growing up means knowing the right amount of time to seed torrents.

Breshvic Penicillin hey, all you twilight and trueblood fans; vampires will drink bloody shit as well. scarcely covered by popular fiction but true nonetheless.

Breshvic Penicillin had to get a newer, even crapper phone. needz your phone numbers all over again. assimilate. assimilate.

Breshvic Penicillin there’s nothing more unsettling than an overly reasonable and rational person.

Breshvic Penicillin doesn’t wear loud headphones on the bus simply to annoy people. That’s just a bonus.

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”The government doesn’t want you to know that people spontaneously combust all the time. That’s why you see so many sneakers in power lines.” -Crab Man

Breshvic Penicillin eatin’ cake and watchin’ Up.

Breshvic Penicillin “the thunder of jets in an open sky, a streak of gray and a cheerful ‘Hi!'”

Breshvic Penicillin doesn’t understand frotteurs. I can find nothing but unpleasantness crammed into a city bus.

Breshvic Penicillin “waaaaaaaah-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo…..!”

Breshvic Penicillin would tweet while driving about what a good driver I am, if I had a car and a twitter.

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”weh-?”

Breshvic Penicillin Who’s the more adorable robot: R2-D2, Johnny-5, or Astro-Boy?

Breshvic Penicillin Toba. Krakatoa. Pompeii. And now Eyjafjallajokull. Volcanos get such badass names. Not like lame hurricanes.

Breshvic Penicillin “Great Scott! The Libyans!”

Breshvic Penicillin don’t want a pickle.

Breshvic Penicillin “Man, Star Wars is about space wizards from the past-future. Believe whatever the fuck you want.”

Breshvic Penicillin When will Christopher Walken do a play in my town? Does NYC have everything or what?

Breshvic Penicillin wishes that I could make a living as a prestidigitator.

Breshvic Penicillin thinks mixed media is like mixed martial arts, its just people who can’t decide what they want to do.

Breshvic Penicillin “He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.” -Tyrone Biggums

Breshvic Penicillin took back my piñata. It’s wasted on you.

Breshvic Penicillin is on a panel with Max Brooks!

Breshvic Penicillin believe it or not, the ratio of cute girls to fat sweaty dudes is the same at this comic convention as it is in the outside world. but here they wear slutty costumes.

Breshvic Penicillin is craving a greasy Peppi’s sammich real bad. What is wrong with me?

Breshvic Penicillin can’t decide which is worse; a bus full of screaming children, or their inept parents.

Breshvic Penicillin EARLY PERSONAL DISCOVERY OF THE WEEK: C-SPAN does not help to recover from a cold, but X-MEN: The Animated Series does.

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”is here to celebrate the immensity of our intensity”

Breshvic Penicillin needs fake names. LOTS of ’em!

Breshvic Penicillin dogshit… used condom… matches… constructrion… strip club pamphlets… dogshit… sleeping homeless guy… God bless you, Tenderloin sidewalk!

Breshvic Penicillin 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128481117450284102701938521105559644622948954930381964428810975665933446128475648233786783165271201909145648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273724587…0066063155881748815209209628292540917153643678925903600113305305488204665213841469519415116094

Breshvic Penicillin has lunch with parents. Should be fun. If not then I have an ipod full of Grateful Dead.

Breshvic Penicillin is cooler than bein’ cool.

Breshvic Penicillin some people call me ‘inappropriate.’ I prefer to think of myself as ‘misappropriate.’

Breshvic Penicillin has to feel the pacific ocean right now. its the only therapy that works.

Breshvic Penicillin FREE spring roll or fried crab cheese puffs (6) or fried pork won ton with any order of $30 or more (before tax)

Breshvic Penicillin thinks I hate Sidney Crosby for being three years younger than me.

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”bitch, you throwed water on me!?” a rasta cabbie’s impressions of the ending of Wizard of Oz.

Breshvic Penicillin is gonna get some nom-nom from Gastronom.

Breshvic Penicillin “seasons change and so do I, you need not wonder why.”

Breshvic Penicillin “don’t stick your finger in your nose, cuz your nose knows its not the place it goes…”

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”Myths and legends die hard in America. We love them for the extra dimension they provide, the illusion of near-infinite possibility to erase the narrow confines of most men’s reality. Weird heroes and mould-breaking champions exist as living proof to those who need it that the tyranny of ‘the rat race’ is not yet fina…l.” —Hunter Thompson, ‘The Great Shark Hunt’, 1979

Breshvic Penicillin “its business time.”

Breshvic Penicillin finds it amazing that there are always exactly 300 updates in the news stream. You guys are altogether consistent and well-rounded.

Breshvic Penicillin Hooray, everyone’s favorite day! Forget all the cynics and haters, Feb. 14th is still the best day of the year; Happy Birthday, Oregon and Arizona!

Breshvic Penicillin ignores children.

Breshvic Penicillin Пиздец!

Breshvic Penicillin did you know that, despite all the porn on the internet, there is no industrial drilling blog?

Breshvic Penicillin Why does anybody care about their health? Don’t you all know the robots are going to slaughter us anyways?

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”Death uses his ADDING SCYTHE to make careful calculations on how to utilize his funds. He considers a variety of COLLEGE BROCHURES to determine where he should begin his education. Life is very serious business, and Death doesn’t take it lightly.”

Breshvic Penicillin do you think that the premature ejaculators out there can’t make it past the parking lot of the sperm bank?

Breshvic Penicillin *yoshi-sound!*

Breshvic Penicillin Astor Piazzolla + a nap.

Breshvic Penicillin DOTH PRESENTLY QUAFF BOTH SODA OF ORANGE AND GRAPE, LIKE THE ETERNALS OF ASGARD, OR ONE NOT OF WOMAN BORN!

Breshvic Penicillin ‎’unobtanium’ sounds like the sort of thing you’d put into your script as a placeholder, and then once you hear it come out of your actor’s mouths you think… “well, ffffffffuck.”

Breshvic Penicillin poor Frank Chu, standing in the rain with no audience.

Breshvic Penicillin wants to leave a likeable enough status just to see how many of you stupid rubes are dumb enough to like it.

Breshvic Penicillin let’s turn DiY into wholesale supervillainy!

Breshvic Penicillin Teddy Pendergrass is about to get real funky.

Breshvic Penicillin glimpsin’ some Beastie Boys videos; those cats really did love to run down the streets of NYC towards a camera in formation.

Breshvic Penicillin “I think i see it. That evil exploding robotic duck. It lives.”

Breshvic Penicillin dreamt the other night that I left work during my lunch break and didn’t go back for the rest of my shift and nobody noticed.

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”humans livin’ in a world fulla vampires is about as safe as barebackin’ a five dolla whore.”

Breshvic Penicillin has no earthly was of KNOWing which direction he is GOing.

Breshvic Penicillin fell into a burning ring of fire.

Breshvic Penicillin “pretty sneaky, sis.”

Breshvic Penicillin there are polls for me to answer.

Breshvic Penicillin just saw the UFO Response Team vehicle in the Richmond

Breshvic Penicillin hell yes.

Breshvic Penicillin’s New Year’s resolution is to undermine and sabotage everyone else’s New Year’s resolutions. Soon I shall be carrying around cigarettes and cheesecake.

Breshvic Penicillin is Comin’ to Ameri-cuh!!

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”And lo the cookies did bite them, thus there was much squeaking and rejoicing. Fear not the bunny! Neither feareth thou thine own shoes, but lift up your eyes and seek out a sign of light.”

Breshvic Penicillin’s spelling bee word is ‘syzygy.’

Breshvic Penicillin’s brain is not super right now.

Breshvic Penicillin is lookin’ at the stars while hiccup-havin’ on a dark san francisco night.

Breshvic Penicillin is sending unstable atoms via phone line.

Breshvic Penicillin is scrip-scrip-scrip-scriptin’

Breshvic Penicillin has an unexpected Wednesday off and movie gift cards from Christmahanakwanza. Anybody want in?

Breshvic Penicillin psst… where is the moon?

Breshvic Penicillin is joyful and triumphant, but it has nothing to do with the holiday.

Breshvic Penicillin has better grooming than all of Groom Lake.

Breshvic Penicillin multiplies things by the fourth letter of the alphabet when he’s happy.

Breshvic Penicillin had power in himself all along.

Breshvic Penicillin might as well jump.

Breshvic Penicillin’s spoon is too big.

Breshvic Penicillin ‎”put down that pickle!!”

Breshvic Penicillin will make a movie called “Rash Gordon & the Salve of the Universe”

Breshvic Penicillin has been goomba’d.

Breshvic Penicillin introduced me to my mind and left me wanting you and your kind…

Breshvic Penicillin TETRAHYDROCANNABINOOOOOOOL!

Breshvic Penicillin of all the motherfuckers, Charlie Brown, you the motherfuckinest…

Breshvic Penicillin wants a girl with an eyepatch.

Breshvic Penicillin takes what I wants and I wants what I takes.

Breshvic Penicillin DON’T EAT METAL!!

Breshvic Penicillin is off the air and time to time tra– I mean… SLEEP… to tomorrow.

Breshvic Penicillin refuses any quiz with immediate and unfortunate misspellings.

Breshvic Penicillin gamblegamblegamblegamblegamblegambleDIE!!

Breshvic Penicillin a pie-eating contest is its own reward.

Breshvic Penicillin “the lake, it is said, never gives up her dead when the skies of November turn gloomy…”

Breshvic Penicillin Old Timey Cylinder music hurts my ears, but I can’t stop!!

Breshvic Penicillin wa-wa-wahhhhhhhhhhhh….

Breshvic Penicillin I script talking good.

Breshvic Penicillin the truth is in contemplation, contemplation lies with artistry, and art is a lie.

Breshvic Penicillin has invented an utterly mad thanksgivin’ turkey recipe… {insert maniacal laughter}

Breshvic Penicillin punkin pie makes everything better.

Breshvic Penicillin would most likely never say this in person, but I feel as though it still needs be said: YEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAEUURRRRRRRGCH!!!

Breshvic Penicillin stood in uffish thought…

Breshvic Penicillin Alleged ‘humans’ who were, in fact, undocumented intergalactic aliens: Albert Einstein, Michael Jordan, Michael Jackson, Yma Sumac.

Breshvic Penicillin minimum cumulative outstanding loan balance by private student loan program requirements apply.

Breshvic Penicillin Obi Wan Kenobi, the Dude and Batman save some goats? I hope the Academy is thinking what I am.

Breshvic Penicillin remembers remembers… oh wait, shit, no I don’t.

Breshvic Penicillin does hereby declare this to be the tallest and mightiest pile of toenail clippings ever encountered on a BART seat! O frabjous day, Callooh, Callay!

Breshvic Penicillin no no no no no fuck you, baseball.

Breshvic Penicillin rise from your grave.

Breshvic Penicillin is a consumer of time and occupier of space.

Breshvic Penicillin “alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This… is my boomstick!”

Breshvic Penicillin has strange power of speech.

Breshvic Penicillin feel asleep… the truck have started to move.

Breshvic Penicillin wants to denigrate the presidency and create an enemies list, but haz no enemies..

Breshvic Penicillin dis wolf be dire, son!

Breshvic Penicillin wants to be a time-traveling CERN LHC saboteur when he grows up.

Breshvic Penicillin Hail Scantron, Lord of Scanning!

Breshvic Penicillin Soupy Sales is dead!? Who will I send those green pieces of paper with funny pictures on ’em to NOW?

Breshvic Penicillin fuck your whole family and their beverages!

Breshvic Penicillin is a secret to everybody.

Breshvic Penicillin is artless, but a dodger nonetheless.

Breshvic Penicillin just figured out why facebook calls this a stream… it smells like piss.

Breshvic Penicillin, Pakalolo, Beverly Hillbillies Season Three, and ice cold root beer. Now I can sleep…

Breshvic Penicillin wishes I had one of them doomsday machines.

Breshvic Penicillin will see you in time.

Breshvic Penicillin girls are made of sugar and spice and lame shit like that, boys are made of spikes and angry dogs and FUCKING METAL!

Breshvic Penicillin lost an eyelash somewhere back there, and if you find it you can have my wish.

Breshvic Penicillin hwah!

Breshvic Penicillin discovered once that girls don’t like when you make fun of biological impairments.

Breshvic Penicillin this bus smells like rancid peanut butter.

Breshvic Penicillin whupped Batman’s ass. He thought he was bad, he was a asshole in the first place. He got knocked to the floor.

Breshvic Penicillin iz not the droid you’re looking for.

Breshvic Penicillin was going to sleep, but then MF Doom happened.

Breshvic Penicillin accidentally mispronounced the name of the author of the Time Traveler’s Wife… in front of some black people.

Breshvic Penicillin sure ain’t the King o Sweden!

Breshvic Penicillin: AND LO for it has been microblogg’d; that ye whosoever shall have the patience to traverse back to the very beginning of thine facebook history, shall be meritoriously granted one cheesesteak, no onions, mushrooms optional, with little yellow hot peppers, lettuce-tomato-mayo!

Breshvic Penicillin is lookin for the place called Lee Ho Fooks, gonna get a big dish of beef chow mein.

Breshvic Penicillin welcomes you to the machine.

Breshvic Penicillin is a poor mountaineer that barely keeps his family fed.

Breshvic Penicillin: second draft = yes.

Breshvic Penicillin ‘Mwuahahahahahahahahahahahaaa!!!’

Breshvic Penicillin tastes great, less filling.

Breshvic Penicillin accepts a worldview wherein the planet is flat, hollow, growing, filled with lizardmen, the center of the universe, and only 5,000 years old. I’m also considering adding ‘holographic’ to the canon, but it seems a little socialist.

Breshvic Penicillin got killed by 10 million pounds of sludge from New York and New Jersey.
It was all fake! Yes, I faked my death! And you all believed it! I can’t believe nobody ever thought of doing this before!

Breshvic joined the group And We Shall Serve Under The Might Of The MeerKats.

Breshvic Penicillin ‘Do like your records say, or shut the fuck up.’

Breshvic Penicillin: theworldhasamillionthings.

Breshvic Penicillin ‘On with the show, this is it!’

Breshvic Penicillin is like a box of chocolates.

Breshvic Penicillin loves going back to the Shuffle, having always forgotten what song I left off with. ‘Long Cool Woman’ = win.

Breshvic Penicillin saw a homeless guy eating grill scrapins, and now misses Peppi’s.

Breshvic Penicillin had a transport error (#1001) while retrieving data from endpoint `/ajax/inline_comments.php’: A network error occurred, bitch. Check (_yourself) before you wreck (_yourself).

Breshvic Penicillin is just like the rest of you humans, what with the ‘being a human’ and all.

Breshvic Penicillin is terrorizing suckas on the Seven Seas!

Breshvic Penicillin frankly prefers the Lost Cymbal:

Breshvic Penicillin has secret sandwich.

Breshvic Penicillin ‘s Farmville has triffids. They be triffid off the rhyme.
Seriously, though. Expect some triffids. Soon.
Breshvic’s farm was shitty with triffid spores! This doesn’t bode well for the azaleas!

Breshvic Penicillin ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.’

Breshvic Penicillin r invisibul.

Breshvic Penicillin is cogent.

Breshvic Penicillin: Yeah! I hate the public! And I hate having options! Take THAT public option!

Breshvic Penicillin: This needs to happen soon. I will take any one of you on. In person, on skype, for an hour, for a week, whateveh… it has been too long. Who is up for… ULTIMATE RISK!?!? *you shudder*

Breshvic Penicillin’s dad wanted to write science fiction stories about space travel and visitors from other planets coming to Earth.

Breshvic Penicillin true story.

Breshvic Penicillin ‘sic semper saltatores immundus’
‘thus unto all dirty dancers’

Breshvic Penicillin ‘Who Scrutinizes the Scrutinymen?’

Breshvic Penicillin fought City Hall.

Breshvic Penicillin is intensely bored of your complaints, can’t you read it in my face?

Breshvic Penicillin can haz Mystic Rhythms.

Breshvic Penicillin is workinonit.

Breshvic Penicillin, unlike Glenn Beck, has never been accused of raping and murdering anybody.

Breshvic Penicillin who dares race on my haunted highway?? Two monster trucks, prepare yourself, my evil eye is out… to destroy you.. Your blazing speed won’t save you from my rolling eyeball!

Breshvic Penicillin’s Farmville animals have overthrown their caretaker in a violent bloody revolution, creating their own dystopian Stalinist Republic.

Breshvic Penicillin bets there are more naked people on this street right now than on any o’ yourn.

Breshvic Penicillin is feeling redundundundundundant.

Breshvic Penicillin: It appears that some people on the internet believe that GLENN BECK RAPED AND MURDERED A YOUNG WOMAN IN 1990!!!

Breshvic Penicillin just got a SPAM advertising ‘pretty g00d @t sex.’ WTF? I have slightly higher SPAM standards than that!

Breshvic Penicillin: No one should die because they cannot afford free cheesesticks, and no one should go broke because their cheesestick factory gets robbed. If you agree, please post this as your status for the rest of the day.
if you like the cheesestick you have now, you can keep it. nobody is saying you have to give up your current cheesesticks.

Breshvic Penicillin …the moon …it mocks me.

Breshvic Penicillin: less-than-symbol-three is how I feel about this podcast, a crude textual representation of the central cardiovascular regulatory organ, itself a symbol of the Dopamine, Phenylethylamine & Oxytocin we feel when listening to the Philosopher’s Zone.
Philosophers Zone – 15 August 2009 – The epistemology of blogging

Breshvic Penicillin can solve the country’s budget deficit, international relations, health care problems and immigration concerns all in one fell swoop. Sell back the Louisiana Purchase.

Breshvic Penicillin was voted the most likely to most seamlessly and most easily use a compound split infinitive without knowing what one was.

Breshvic Penicillin ‘sum tanquam non credereste.’
‘I exist like you wouldn’t believe!’

Breshvic Penicillin believes that four buses going the other way before mine arrives must be breaking the laws of physics somehow.

Breshvic Penicillin has no lazers, and will lazer anyone who says otherwise

Breshvic Penicillin has one wish left…

Breshvic Penicillin wishes there was a shofar for Rock Band 2.

Breshvic Penicillin wishes he had a luck dragon.

Breshvic Penicillin is a digit gettin’ machine… damn…

Breshvic Penicillin will never ever ever ever ever write a song about Sibbie.

Breshvic Penicillin had his chances of meeting his beautiful future wife somehow aborted… by someone named Cotton-Eyed Joe.

Breshvic became a fan of Artie the Strongest Man in the World.

Breshvic Penicillin eats ice cream and watches puppies and listens to Carlos Santana, while others dance and watch Kung-fu and listen to bluegrass. Others still will kill and clean.

Breshvic Penicillin saw District 9 last night, and now I’m craving some BBQ shrimp real bad.

Breshvic Penicillin might as well go back over yonder, way back yonder ‘cross the hill..

Breshvic Penicillin ‘If I were a rich man… yaha deedle deedle bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.’

Breshvic Penicillin feels bad for you, son.

Breshvic Penicillin’s bottom burbled.

Breshvic Penicillin could explain it to you a seventh time, but you’d simply blink back at me and ask again. Allow me to call a service manager…

Breshvic Penicillin isn’t messin’ with the kid.

Breshvic Penicillin ZAP-ZAP, bitches.

Breshvic Penicillin is preparing for his triumphant return.

Breshvic Penicillin lovehates airports.

Breshvic Penicillin ‘…’

Breshvic Penicillin vacation begins now…

Breshvic Penicillin: ONE NIGHT ONLY!!
See yours truly in Pittsburgh, PA, the town of the demise of the birth of my inner child, as YOU’VE ALWAYS SEEN HIM BEFORE: Drunk off his ass and surrounded by friends he can trust as far as throw. This means YOU! Sometimes, with enough booze, smoking, dancing, or playing Halo will occur…

Breshvic Penicillin hates trying on new clothes. It’s not like I’m putting them on to wear them the rest of the day! Seriously, worst thing that could happen to mankind. Ever.

Breshvic Penicillin dreamed last night that he, Barack Obama, and Mr. Manylegs ate popcorn while watching a death match on an elevated ice rink with spikes under it.

Breshvic Penicillin ‘Flash! Wa-aaaaah!’

Breshvic Penicillin: SHAMPOO HOMEOPATHY, who’s with me on this?
‘we take only the best ingredients that ensure your hair is lustrous, shiny, volumetric, full, curly, and color-enriched… then we dilute them in a water solution 6000X over until not a single molecule of the original shampoo/conditioner remains, and then shake it up for some reason. Since homeopathy is clearly science and not total bullshit at all, this lets your flowing bouncing locks feel sexy all day!’

Breshvic Penicillin: you may be ecto-cool, but I am ecto-cooler.

Breshvic Penicillin has finally realized how picky he is romantically. I only go for teachers, and law students, and med students, and actresses, and artists, and writers, and musicians, and scientists, and philosophers, and designers, and models, and perpetual travelers, and..

Breshvic Penicillin isn’t really crunked, but has decently found himself halfway into the bag.

Breshvic Penicillin Safety is the Cootie-Wootie

Breshvic Penicillin likes somebody.

Breshvic Penicillin sees that everyone’s Facebook posts are repeating… my God… a Timequake happened! Soon the whole world will be covered in Ice-9 and only those on the Galapagos islands will survive!!

Breshvic took the ‘Which Modern Philosopher Are You?’ quiz and the result is Hegel

Breshvic Penicillin thinks America is getting too old for this shit.

Breshvic Penicillin is in the studio rockin’ some Beastie Boys and Rush

Breshvic Penicillin ‘Great Scott!’

Breshvic Penicillin ‘You remind me of the babe.’

Breshvic Penicillin has broken internet and broken health… I hope this is just my mutant power manifesting.

Breshvic Penicillin: The second best news of the day; Jeff Goldblum is not dead.

Breshvic Penicillin sure feels like swine flu…

Breshvic Penicillin always forgets, until around this time of year, how refreshing cold showers are!

Breshvic Penicillin wants to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

Breshvic became a fan of laughing when someone falls.

Breshvic has had Alain Góraguer stuck in his head all day. Must.. create some Draags in Spore… then kill them… yes… xenocide..!

Breshvic Penicillin: King Arthur, King Tut, Blackbeard and a bucket of crawdads. Best. Summer. Ever.
What-what? Did someone just add Samurai to this list? Oh yes, someone did.

Breshvic Penicillin now has thirty, count ’em, thirty versions of his opening theme song.

Breshvic Penicillin thinks your force is weak.

Breshvic Penicillin blames and curses facebook for the increase in dreams guest-starring people who don’t know each other, but all know me, but it all makes sense at the time.

Breshvic Penicillin: after only three years YouTube finally knows what recommendations I like; George Carlin, Richard Dawkins, Carl Sagan, magic tricks, video game cheats and baby lynx kittens = win.

Breshvic Penicillin can haz Spore.

Breshvic Penicillin hangs toilet paper in the improper overhand fashion

Breshvic Penicillin wants to mod his Xbox but has no muh-neez

Breshvic Penicillin is Lord Death Man.

Breshvic Penicillin wonders if its him who’se tone-deaf, or everyone else… no… it’s definitely everyone else.

Breshvic Penicillin ‘You’ll never take my xylophone! Notes- don’t fail me now!’

Breshvic Penicillin’s brain is my second favorite organ.

Breshvic Penicillin always knew it would end like this…

Breshvic Penicillin enjoys crashing castles a bit too much…

Breshvic Penicillin some animals are more equal than others.

Breshvic Penicillin has his mind on his money and his money on his mind.

Breshvic Penicillin Happy World Turtle Day!

Breshvic Penicillin wants a kiwi. You will buy him one.
Flightless. YEAH. that’s the way to go. when shopping for little birds. that can lay an egg 60% of its body mass. smallest living ratites. dig?

Breshvic Penicillin ioisssb

Breshvic Penicillin *rolling on floor laughing my ass off with seven brands of spatula

Breshvic Penicillin should do some macro-blogging instead today, and would feel a lesser grade of unproductive.

Breshvic Penicillin had to look up whether or not Mikhail Gorbachev is still alive.. *shame*

Breshvic Penicillin (be it known and proclaimed that) is officially licensed by the First Nation Church as a lawfully and legally ordained Minister and Officiant for all rites and shall be afforded all respect, honors and privileges of this duty.” LICENSE NO. 29517

Breshvic Penicillin
‘You can make up all the abstract gods or leaders that you want, and theories and so forth, but you’re just whistling in the dark. The existential facts of the matter are that you are in the nosecone of your own timeship, hurtling at the speed o…f light into a dark future, and you don’t have a clue or navigational map, and if you’re scared, well, grow up.’ – Dr. Tim Leary

Breshvic Penicillin has about had it with the Bob Dylan.
Eh kumoo gedduh re papuh
woahuvah yuh room
En ammittuh dawettehz
uwund yoo hey groo!
En izipitz dutzoo…
Ye be drutched dada boom
I yuh tie te yoo
Zzyzzyva!
En yuh butterstar swumma
Ryoo stink like a stove!
For the ties they are a-changin’!

Breshvic Penicillin wants you to know that you an I are just friends. Don’t go gettin’ any ideas now.

Breshvic Penicillin is supa-psyched, and is listening to all of ‘Dare to Be Stupid’ to show it.

Breshvic Penicillin has the best mom in the whole God-damned universe. Better than yours.

Breshvic Penicillin has a new Stetson to contain his important thoughts and allow them to ferment.

Breshvic Penicillin has a date in Constantinople but doesn’t know where she’ll be waiting!

Breshvic Penicillin is Dysprosium and everyone who knows me knows it!

Breshvic Penicillin would just like to remind everyone that I am definitely NOT a werewolf. Do not believe this arbitrary internet quiz. I’m sure that if you think back on it very hard you can recall having seen me on a full-moonlit night as one of us normal humans. Yep. Just like all of you in every single way.

Breshvic Penicillin Saw ‘that Wolverine movie’ and found it to be exactly what I was expecting. Which is not a good recommendation.

Breshvic became a fan of Red Lobster Cheddar Biscuits.

Breshvic Penicillin: Word-for-word quote from the Slurpee website: ‘Get your hero on with a Berry-Limeade Blast. May your slurpee skills mutate for good and never evil.’

Breshvic Penicillin is very thrilled that 7/11’s Slurpee Brainfreeze Laboratory has developed the Mutant Berry Slushee set to coincide with the May 1st release of X-Men Origins: Wolverine the Motion Picture (only in Motion Picture Theatres). Now I am ASSURED that …this quality Motion Picture will stay true to its source material.

Breshvic Penicillin
Dear Dr. Michio Kaku,
WHY ARE YOU SO AWESOME!? STOP MAKING THE REST OF US LOOK SLIGHTLY LESS AWESOME, SIR, OR LEGAL ACTION WILL FOLLOW! THIS MESSAGE IS NOT LEGAL TENDER IN THE STATE OF NEBRASKA!
Sincerely,
the Bereaved

Breshvic Penicillin knows a lot of Taylors, and Millers, and Stewarts, and Shephards, and Fishers, and Bakers. Throw in a Bricklayer or two and we can start a town!

Breshvic Penicillin had a better day off than you would have in a week!

Breshvic Penicillin uses prepositions to end sentences with. Unh! Take that Strunk!

Breshvic Penicillin is agglutinative

Breshvic Penicillin: April 20th is Hitler’s birthday, which is also Columbine day. If only people had some way to relax…

Breshvic Penicillin ‘Bully!’

Breshvic Penicillin is going to be like Carson Dubins when he grows up.

Breshvic Penicillin, how the turntables…

Breshvic Penicillin was called a ‘well-balanced asshole’ today.

Breshvic Penicillin saw the best vanity license plate ever: EGG N000.

Breshvic Penicillin is now accepting callers for the pendant key chains.

Breshvic Penicillin is gonna be a Dental floss tycoon.

Breshvic Penicillin had a fairly rotten day except for popcorn time.

Breshvic Penicillin is demiurged.

Breshvic Penicillin has slept and youtubed most of his day off away. Productiiiiiive…

Breshvic Penicillin zounds aboot rite.

Breshvic Penicillin always looks both ways before crossing the street.

Breshvic Penicillin ate spicy seafood…and now must pay a heavy price.

Breshvic Penicillin just euthanized his whimsy.

Breshvic Penicillin was just called ‘not good at English’ by an Australian on the internet.

Breshvic Penicillin cannot be vinced.

Breshvic Penicillin is listening to a podcast about the Bermuda Triangle…

Breshvic Penicillin is eukaryotic.

Breshvic Penicillin is not D.B. Cooper. That would be silly.

Breshvic Penicillin crushed a baby snail dead in the dark; thus is himself crushed by the unavoidable fruitlessness that binds us together suspended in time.

Breshvic Penicillin is listening to drunk old men argue at cafe.com about the middle east = win.

Breshvic Penicillin, too, harbours a smoldering hatred of the almond…

Breshvic Penicillin will make like a tree… and get outta here!

Breshvic Penicillin will use his lazorbeem eyes more.

Breshvic Penicillin is a life ruiner.”

You can do your part! Don’t twitter your life away when you could dedicate a decent advertising-worthy block of it on the macro-scale! Don’t allow your children to swallow those dangerously tiny LEGO parts when there are DUPLOs to be had! Accept NOT the taxonomic classification that Nanotyrannus is phylogenetically a distinct genus, but is truly a synonymized juvenile form in Tyrannosaur’s ontogony. Don’t open seventeen tabs of succinct abridgments, when you can delve into the recondite volume encyclopediae of universal human Esotericism.

Maybe one day, some fucking day, someone will compile a series of macroblogs into something even larger. Though it would scarcely read well on the internet. They may have to put it on something like papyrus, and then bind it in some kind of… binding. Okay, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I’m beginning to go crazy with new ideas!

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