Why I would make a terrible boyfriend
Women, whether they are reasonable or psychotic, often require lots of attention, gratification, validation, medication, and reassurance. They are vulnerable, emotional physical beings, but their refusal to easy access to her insecurity issues, perhaps compensating to look invunerable, makes comfort frustrating and difficult. Women are quick to criticize and I’m afraid that I’m not nearly reliable and/or thoughtful enough to come close to the minimum requirements for such maintenance and upkeep. As dear old mother always told me, ‘all women are nuts, some of them are just honest about it.’ Well, that may be true, but nuts is still nuts.
They can go from dazed and confused, zoned-out and staring at nothing to bipolar, depressed and afraid of social interactions to party lush, quick to start up a conversation with a total stranger faster than Joe Walsh’s Mazeroti. Which leads me to my next issue: They’re inconsistent. She can act like the entire universe hangs on decisions I make, but then treats my decisions as utterly worthless. She seems to want to jump into my arms and never let go, but sometimes retorts with a terse ‘don’t touch me!’ She shows up in my room wearing sexy lingerie, and then wants me to make all the moves from thereon out. She treats me like the social king of the order, the alpha male, and then the most inept and awkward man on the planet. She’s childish, but yells at me for being childish, ridicules my opinions and then gets defensive of her own even if nobody is attacking them. She causes more headaches than I’ve had in a long time, and I always have a constant headache, so that’s saying something.
She has to be right most of the time. While I do find arrogance and self-assurance more than just a little attractive, it’s clear to me that this trait is at odds with her otherwise general insecurity issues, and does not stem from a place of confident brazenness, but rather some other neurosis. And to be perfectly fair, I’m the kind of person that has to be right most of the time, and she doesn’t seem to be capable of letting me win some of the time.
Where I like to take my time and prepare for an elaborate and continual sex act, she seems quite impatient, not to say quick. I like a little romantic element, and can continue far after she seems to be interested. Her inconsistency is prevalent here as well, for while she clearly unabashedly delights in physical ecstasy wrought upon her body, post-coital her overly talkative and analytical banter resumes.
She has a boyfriend. I’ve been through all this before, and we all know where it leads; no emotional gratification, only a little physical gratification, and a whole lot of guilt. And I already have some guilt issues already associated with that.
She’s not ready for a serious commitment. The fact that she’s been cheating on her boyfriend with me is evidence of that, as well as the fact that the most solid admission of our feelings for each other we seem to be able to babble is ‘I don’t know.’
And I’m much too selfish and lazy to deal with any of that.