The only time I’ve really been satisfied or comfortable is when I’m asleep. I’m not saying that there aren’t moments in my day that we can call ‘happy,’ but I always enjoy sleep on a consistent basis moreso. Maybe I’m addicted to sleep. Plus, I never ever feel refreshed when I wake up, and yet I remember a time way back when I was a kid that I was.
Even worse. Something is wrong with my cat and I have forty dollars to my name. It basically comes down to these options; I can take my cat to the vet and not pay rent, I can pay my rent and take my cat to the vet but not graduate, or I can pay my rent and graduate and my cat dies. I don’t even know what’s wrong with her! She won’t eat any catfood. She’s getting thinner and thinner and I think her eyesight and coat look unhealthy as a result. She won’t drink any water I put out for her no matter what bowl I use or how often I change it or how cold it is. She just tries to drink out of the toilet or the sink (which is unhealthier and requires more effort on her part) but I did get her to eat some turkey that I had, and then she licked on an ice cube for a long while. She almost seemed playful about it. But I know she’s in pain because all she does is cry unless I hold her cradled in my arms like I did when she was a baby. She looks so weak and when she walks she staggers. I don’t know what to do.
I might as well use the money for the vet that I was going to use to graduate because it doesn’t look like I’ll be doing that either. My editing partner didn’t show up this morning and as a result, we are well behind on this project that was due today. I haven’t bee able to do much of anything because all I have been doing is working on portfolio and working at Peppi’s, all day every day. Then I go home and sleep, which as I’ve already stated was the only respite for me, except that now I lie awake worried about my cat, where my money’s coming from, and listening to some miserable hound in the neighborhood howl for his life.
On top of that I can’t stop my nose from running, which is insignificant in the grand scheme of things but isn’t needed right now.