I have really been enjoying the beauty of the world. Last week was such a great week, I was out just taking walks and enjoying the sunshine and the sounds of the city and nature melding like some sort of meldy… thing. I took solace in friends and recreational activities and have been finding joy in my schoolwork and extracurriculars, social events, downtime, and a new job.
But today… I don’t know… maybe I’m just overclocked on the joy factors, maybe whatever delusions I’d had are over… things just aren’t interesting to me right now. I’m bored by everything. It’s very volatile, considering how incredibly happy I have been. Perhaps it is the onset of that insidious milestone… the birthday. Whatever. I’m sounding like a commercial for some brain medicine. “Do things not excite you anymore? Are you listless and tired of life? TAKE CYANIDE!”
What’s really bothering me isn’t that I’m not happy, but that I’m not particularly unhappy, either. I’m apathetic and in between, and what the hell is that supposed to be? Life is just life and that’s all there is to it. I’m depending too much on sleep. I like sleep. a bit too much, if you ask me. I switch between wishing that I were Rip Van Winkle to wishing that I didn’t require the benefits of sleep at all. If I could get my work done in a trance-like sleep-walking state, I’d sign up for that.
“Oh… widdle brudda! You can make it! I don’t even know what I’m doing with my life! I’m thinking of getting into… male modeling!” –Homestarrunner