Current mood: insane in the membrane. Insane in the brain.
I’m presently ‘between jobs’ which is a nice way of saying that I’m a no good bum. Aren’t I nice to myself? In any event, no cool places are hiring like coffee shops or TV stations or record stores or bookstores or movie theatres. That being the case, I’m going to have to revert to plan F. I am going to make a big sign, stand out on some street corner in Pittsburgh, and start a-preachin’. “THE TIME IS NIGH, THE END TIMES ARE HERE!” and I’ll have a sign on my back that says, “TO ADVERTISE WITH ENDTIMES.ORG, CALL THE NUMBER ON YOUR SCREEN NOW.” Then I’ll scream about my pants, and foods that are conspiring agin’ me, and the oncoming global hyper uber-mega superstorm. And it’s gonna be big, too! Then, when it comes, I’ll have another sign ready that says, “I HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO.”
At the very least, I can entertain people with my interpretations of Revelations and the One World Government. Then, god forbid, I get a following, I will have them all drink Kool-Aid! Not laced with any poison, mind you, just lots of Kool-Aid until they are so full of Kool-Aid that their bellies with commence to sloshing about and their burps will feel of vomitous Kool-Aid and their dreams are tainted with howls of ‘Oh YEAH!’ MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You don’t have to be crazy to be unemployed, but it helps.
By Tom Waits
Release date: By 15 June, 1990